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Sunday, December 23rd, 2007
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1:05 pm
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Oh my goodness, it's Livejournal. It's a bit like one of those nostalgic bits of fluff that I occasionally wander aimlessly back to, post transparently senile gibberish, and come upon the realisation again that I don't want the world to know my innermost thoughts.
So all you're going to get is bollocks. Not even Christmassy bollocks at that.
Things that happened recently, well, Donald Trump is still hanging around the local area like a cunt and members of the local establishment and the gullible are still hanging from his scrotum like barnicles. Whilst they're harping on about "Bringing jobs" to the area they conveniently ignore the fact that Aberdeenshire has the lowest unemployment rate in Scotland. Oh, but we want money. That's it.
Thatcher might be gone but morons are still emulating her at every turn. Royal Mail go on strike a few times because they're being shafted and the population goes fucking loony. How dare they strike, I didn't get my birthday cards. Thank you Royal Mail for ruining my special day!
If the entire country were reading this (Wishful thinking, I know) I'd say only one thing:
Buck the fuck up chumps. You're about to lose everything that makes this country bearable: our free, universal healthcare is being intentionally buggered so that we can achieve the lofty goal of having Americans run our healthcare for us! Smart move. Industrial action is becoming a thing of the past for the sake of fellating big bucks. In addition, you're allowing the rule of law to run roughshod over your own rights. Attention United Kingdom - are you all fucking high?
current mood: CAPSLOCK IS AUTOPILOT FOR COOL
current music: The Stuck Up Cunts - My Chooz Are More Obscure Than Urz
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| Tuesday, July 18th, 2006
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7:28 pm
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I just watched the most heart-wrenching film I've ever seen. Martin Rosen's [Also the creator of Watership Down] THE PLAGUE DOGS is one of the most moving and downbeat animated films ever made. An animated adaptation of Richard Adams' novel, about a pair of dogs (Snitter and Rowf) who escape from a research laboratory and try to survive in the wild with the help of a cunning fox (The Tod). The lab director tries to keep the escape quiet, but as an increasing number of sheep are found killed, word leaks out, together with rumours that the dogs might be plague carriers.
I have never been a fan of anthropomorphism in film. Talking animals somehow annoy me. Disney like to ensure all their features of this description are likeable fluff. The Plague Dogs is not about happy endings, zesty lines, or colorful musical scenes. This is about the hardships of life and the ever growing errors of mans' interuption in the animal kingdom.
Yes, I sobbed most of the way through this film like the badass that I am.
Unfortunately, the full version is only available on DVD in Australia. So you'll also require a multi-region DVD player or the appropriate software on your computer. But whatever you do, buy this. BUY IT.
current mood: awake
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| Monday, July 10th, 2006
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10:25 pm - Things to do when you leave a job.
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Below I have compiled a list that every man, woman and child (The latter applies if you happen to work for Subway Sandwiches) should obey when leaving a job. This list is guaranteed to make your final day within the employ of genetically degenerate fuckwits all the more satisfying and relaxing.
1. Turn up late. Perhaps you're a model employee who appears for work in a punctual manner. The last day of work is the most wonderful opportunity to break a habit of a lifetime. This is satisfying because your employer will not only be seething, but will be even more so because both you and him/her/it know that there's fuck all anyone can do about it.
2. Don't do much at all. It's as simple as that. Browse the internet, set fire to things, whatever.
3. If you have the misfortune to work within a "customer-facing" environment, then apply subtle aggressive and insulting undertones to your conversations with them. Or you can go wild and ultilise the most abusive, disgusting language you can think of. Don't hold back, but remember to wash your mouth out afterwards.
4. Take plenty of breaks. If you enjoy the finer things in life and like to smoke a cigarette, then by all means take as many cigarette breaks as possible. Not only are you wasting your employers time, but you can enjoy yourself at the same time.
5. Ninja something. There's always something valuable kicking around, no matter where you work. Find something nice and shiny and steal it. After all your employer has robbed you of your fucking soul for however many years. It's only fair that you return the favour in kind.
6. Gloat over the fate of your co-workers. You can apply this method to any category of co-worker you wish. You can do so in the company of people you dislike, or you can take a less discriminatory approach and gloat over everyone. You're leaving, and they're not. If you time it just right, you can almost take a mental snapshot of the moment their hearts break.
7. Tell your boss what you think of them. Granted, this may be slightly more difficult if you work for a multinational (These people make a career out of being reclusive - no wonder, I'd be the first on a very long list to have them assassinated). A fine example would be to write a very long list of the company's inherant flaws and accuse the board of directors of abusing smack/crack/PVA glue. You can also leave malicious hidden notes that your bosses/co-workers will discover for years to come!
8. Yell "Fire!" or "Bomb!". This I feel is fairly self-explainitory.
9. Neck a bottle of vodka before you turn up for work. Make a point of ensuring your employer/boss can smell it.
10. Don't turn up/phone in sick.
I followed approximately six of these rules during the course of today. I felt so much joy that I almost had an aneurysm.
current mood: Mature
current music: Mogwai - Stanley Kubrick
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| Thursday, April 6th, 2006
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10:27 am
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I just rang into work this morning and informed them that I'm very, very sickly. My employer will no doubt be suspicious (they're convinced that everyone they employ is a potential slacker). I see no reason to go to the doctor; I know what's wrong with me today. Shivering, a head that feels like an American is living in it, sore joints and a loss of bodily coordination. Flu of some sort, I'm assuming. Why need I go to the doctor just to be told what I already know? It also makes bugger all difference to my employer wether or not I get a sick line from my doctor.
Today I'm going to be mostly lying in bed under two duvets looking for another job.
It's also mine and Hazey's one year anniversary. That's enougn to cheer me up.
current mood:  sick
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| Saturday, April 1st, 2006
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3:13 pm - Destroy all I-Pods.
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So, imagine you're walking down the street. Casually so. All of a sudden, just like magic, your leg miraculously transforms into an I-Pod. Shocked by this incredible turn of events, you suddenly find that every single passer-by has begun to hump your leg in the most gratuitious fashion imaginable.
The I-Pod is the most unnessesary, over-rated pile of garbage to have ever graced Richard Nixon's green Earth. And you all fucking love them. I was one of the few lucky ones who escaped its' wrath; an ex-girlfriend humped hers like a hound on heat, and as a result I loathe them somewhat more. When did it become appropriate to thrust them into my face and ramble on about its' gigabytes, shuffle facilities, go-faster stripes and eco-friendly options is beyond me.
Yes, it's a clever gadget. But they can all do it. Creative Labs, Sony, Apple....Eventually Poundland will bring out its' own model. All you've done is bought a jumped-up fucking Walkman. It's not big, clever, nor cool. It doesn't make you reek of all that is cool, nor does it make you approachable or indeed likeable. It doesn't make you the King of all that is Techo-Literacy either.
And as for I-Pod Nano, from what I hear its' named after the amount of time it requires for the machine to break down. And potentially the allotted time until the next model hits the shelves. You'll buy that too, won't you? You insufferable cunts.
current mood:  calm
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| Saturday, March 4th, 2006
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4:59 pm
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Quite an ususual turn of events, to say the very least. I thought I had seen it all, and had assumed that religion couldn't get any more barmy, inane and preposterous. Sadly, I was wrong. I've also taken into account that the protests and indeed violence over the course of the past few days is due to the minority of Muslims; the Middle East's equivelant of football hooligans, if you will. Aberdeen has its fair share of Muslims, and there's a lack of religious mania in these parts. [Disclaimer: The following sentence is intended for tabloid readers only.] Current events are not an excuse to assume that Islam is inherently violent.
That doesn't mean Islam is relevant. Indeed any religion that involves the worship of a deity/god opposes the very fabric of my being, and firmly believe we'd be better off without it. For that matter, I'd place everything I have; my home, my education, and indeed the love of my life on the table and suggest that not a single individual on this planet has 100% confidence in their religion. After all, if people have true confidence in their religion it takes more then a bloody cartoon to threaten this. Anyone with an iota of brain power realises that a cartoon is something not always to be taken with such heavy-handedness (While on the other hand, people like Nick Griffin ought to be locked up for good). After all, humour is vital to Humanity. Could the same be said for religion?
I stand by the principle that the newspapers publishing the aforementioned cartoon have every right to publish the material. I even encourage it. I loathe religion, and believe that every means necessary should be used to encourage others to remove their arses from their heads and see the world for what it actually is. In doing so they would be doing themselves an enormous favour. Religion only serves to stifle scientific, social, and moral progress the world over.
I encourage the posting of the following image on the principle that I'm entitled to do so. I'm entitled to critisise, mock and lampoon any religion as I see fit. If you don't like it, that's your perogative.
IT'S A FUCKING CARTOON.
[Edit] Trying to obtain an image (supposedly on DieWelt) that shows a protester weilding a poster saying 'Behead those who say Islam is violent'. No luck as of yet.
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| Saturday, February 11th, 2006
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7:59 pm
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So, It has been requested by my special gal that I write a entry about her. I have some problems with this, because I simply do not know where to start. Do I emphasise her beauty, or the fact that she is purely adoreable? Do i draw light on the fact that when she's around I can feel like a careless child? Then of course there's the concern that my words simply do not cut it as far as she is concerned. One has to percervere, I guess.
First there are those enormous eyes. Those bold, beautiful eyes. Oh, and of course her lips - they're perfection. I love the way she giggles, and it never fails to put a smile on my face. Hell, I even adore the tickles in retrospect (despite my initial annoyance to them), but I'm not quite sure why. Perhaps it goes back to the feeling of being a child again.
There's her catchphrases, her wit, and of course the lurvin'. Seriously, I'm spoilt by her. And I love her.
current mood: awake
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| Friday, October 28th, 2005
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6:18 pm
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This is from the benevolent anti-smoking, puritanical, health-gods, Health Canada:
"This segment will be the most difficult to persuade. They are die-hard smokers who are less likely to believe smoking will
affect their health or to believe in the health benefits of quitting. They enjoy smoking and do not really want to give it up.
They are also less likely to think they would be successful if they tried to quit. Hence, they are not very open to accessing
information on quitting smoking. The price of cigarettes seems to be the only way to motivate this group to consider
quitting."
So, the neo-puritanical, quasi-fascist anti-smoking movement taking place in this country appears to be about some sort of social engineering project, attempting to force adults to modify their behavior and alter personal lifestyle choices.
Of course, anti-smoking fascists try to justify their activities by claiming they are protecting non-smokers from second-hand smoke. There are simpler and more logical ways of doing so that are guaranteed to please 100% of the population. The technology is readily available to provide a comfortable environment for all.
What kinds of "arguments" do those pushing for the outlawing of "public" smoking advance? These people complain because they cannot "enjoy" a meal if someone is smoking near them in a restaurant. They object to the "inconvenience" of having to specifically seek out eateries that do not allow smoking. Beyond that is the horrible problem of clothing that smells of cigarette smoke. The waiters and cooks who work in restaurants that permit smoking claim they should not have to inhale second-hand smoke while performing their duties. Other smokers applaud the total restriction on smoking aboard airplanes since they have "no choice" but to inhale such fumes in the enclosed volume of a plane.
What do these claims boil down to? Apparently, these zealots believe there is:
* A right to eat or drink in any particular restaurant or bar.
* A right to a job in any particular business establishment.
* A right not to smell something a person does not like.
* A right to personal convenience.
A right to impose one's personal preferences on other people.
What these notions actually reveal, of course, is the degenerate understanding that holds sway among too many people of what the concept "public" means, the abysmal ignorance rampant among us of the true meaning of property rights, and, of course, an astounding arrogance regarding the nature of rights of any kind.
Imagine the breathtaking implications of fully implementing these "principles."
Travelling to school inconvenient? Make your teacher come to you. Commuting proving irritating? Force your employer to set up a branch in your back garden. Crying children on public transport getting you down? Kick them off the bus. If you had a right not to smell certain odors, you could prevent others from wearing perfume and cologne. You could force someone to bathe if he sweated too much and had terrible body odour; you could stop your neighbour from planting flowers whose aroma overpowered your delicate nasal passages.
You see where this is going?
What about the evils of second-hand smoke? No credible evidence exists for any long-term negative effects of casual contact with second-hand smoke. Yes, the smell can be unpleasant or worse. But as noted above, such proposals border on the ridiculous. Yes, a small number of people have allergic reactions to such smoke. Yes, if you live day-in and day-out with a smoker, you might be more prone to develop infections. But passive smoke never killed anyone. After all, active smoking requires decades and decades to "kill" the smoker and sometimes not even then. None of these problems justifies the draconian measures advocated by the anti-smoking gestapo.
There is no logical stopping point once we abandon our respect for private property rights. However, those who know "better" have already begun arranging such measures. Forcing a private property owner to cease the usage of the property in the manner he decides is the essence of fascism.
Of course, none of these dramatics have been about ill-health, or smoking for that matter. No more than the plentiful crusades the do-gooders have and will continue to inflict upon the rest of us. This is a battle between coercive power and personal rights between self-righteous zeolots and responsible citizens, between insidiously imposed control and explicitly acknowledged freedom.
current mood:  annoyed
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| Saturday, October 22nd, 2005
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3:00 pm
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I'm in a foul mood. The next person to cross me is going to be the proud owner of a new asshole.
And naturally, being in an irritable mood means I take an even greater joy in belittling the mentally crippled general public, governments, and various other so-called authority figures.
Back to Avian influenza, eh? They're culling birds now. Genius. Rather than allow said birds to perhaps develop a natural immunity to the virus, let's slaughter the lot of them! Then there's so called "figures in authority" referring to Spanish Flu as a comparison. What a fucking sham. There are many differences between now and the Spanish flu of 1918: Living conditions, new and more effictive drugs and treatment, and world-wide monitoring (as opposed to the virus taking a community by surprise) all have a detrimental effect on the success of a potential viral epidemic.
First step for anyone caught up in this avian flu hype nonsense is to take a deep breath and relax and realise the truth here. Unless you are full time bird handler in a third world country that has a seriously challenged immune system you probably have a much better chance of winning the lottery than dying from the proposed avian flu epidemic.
I've also noticed poor idiots already ordering doses of the so called Tamiflu "vaccine". Governments are also doing so - The US alone is spending $2 billion on the drug. Hold up, a vaccine for a virus that doesn't even exist yet? That's quite the leap of faith, isn't it?
Oh yes, and the plot thickens. Drugs company Roche manufactures Tamiflu. But if you dig further you will find that the drug was actually developed by a company called Gilead that 10 years ago gave Roche the exclusive rights to market and sell Tamiflu. Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld was made the chairman of Gilead in 1997. Since Rumsfeld holds major portions of stock in Gilead, he will handsomely profit from the purchase of $2 billion worth of Tamiflu.
current music: UNKLE/Richard Ashcroft - Lonely Soul
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| Sunday, September 4th, 2005
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5:28 pm - Why Intelligent Design is Bollocks.
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It sounds like such a modest and reasonable proposal. Why not teach "both sides" of the argument? It's typically the kind of logic I concur with. Yet does the truth always lie in the middle, between to arguments? A compromise even? What if one argument is simply wrong?
This is particularly the case with Intelligent Design. (Don't be fooled - there is nothing new nor groundbreaking about ID - it's merely creationism dressed up in a labcoat.) Why aren't we teaching both sides when it comes to ID? Simple; ID has nothing to teach scientifically. It may be worthy of a philosophy class or a religious education class - but certainly not a science classroom.
If ID were a genuine scientific theory the positive evidence for it would fill peer-reviewed journals. This is not the case since it appears that there is no ID research in existence. ID only provides critisism to the established facts with regards to Evolutionary theory. ID and its supporters are quite happy to pick holes in Evolutionary theory, but provide no research of their own. Regardless, the following simple reasoning explains why the "both sides" approach in this case sets a very dangerous precident;
Suppose that theory A (In this case Evolution) comes across a difficulty in explaining a certain phenomenon. The "both sides" argument proposes that in this circumstance we automatically prefer theory B (Intelligent Design), regardless as to wether or not theory B can explain this phenomenon at all. Is this fair? Evolutionary theory is required to provide evidence every step of the way, and when it falters (which every scientific theory does, might I add), ID expects to take credit for providing not one scrap of evidence.
That is why you're not to trust anything that supporters of ID say.
On a completely different note altogether, my girlfriend is extremely hot whilst drunk. The little vixen that she is. I bloody well love her to bits. Everything about her is stunning.
current music: Radiohead - Paranoid Android
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| Wednesday, August 24th, 2005
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5:00 pm - It'll Be Over By Christmas.
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My employment entails being intellectually malnourished. You end each day too mortified and drained to exclaim any sense of joy at having left the building. Time and its effects come to a complete crawl within those walls, despite my efforts to increase time-dilation; yellow post-it notes conceal clocks from sight. Everyone who steps into my corner of the office regards this practice as sheer anal-retentiveness. They might be right, actually. But hell, if I can delude myself that it works, and time does indeed accelarate as a result then I won't complain. Didn't do all that much today - devised means of supposedly increasing various efficiency related statistics in order to make it look as if I'd worked harder than I did. Getting rather good at it aswell. The way I see it, if my employer decides to increase my wages in direct proportion to the sanity/brain cells lost during shifts (This also beggars the question, how does one value brain cells/sanity?) then I may actually consider working harder. Perhaps.
Bird flu is still scary, eh? The H5N1 flu strain is still going to kill us all, apparently. It's also been noted in the ever so reliable press that the aforementioned virus is potentially worse than SARS. If my memory serves me correctly, SARS was about as deadly as an elderly sloth weilding a pillow. The good news is that the general public seem to be ignoring the various health scares that are on the prowl. I guess they're simply not as exciting as bearded luncatics in thick coats running around the tube when it comes to causing mass hysteria.
On second thoughts, however, a pandemic wouldn't go amiss. With the gene pool drying up Humanity could do with a mass extinction.
Provided I survive the cataclysm, of course.
Going to make some kind of attempt to get some work done this evening. I don't usually. Work kills my imagination, at least that's my excuse for not getting any animating done.
Additional: The bastards moved my desk, didn't they? My manager's office was also moved to a more populated area of the building. Assassination plot foiled. His previous office was nice and secluded - wonderful news for any disgrunted employee feeling said manager's existence unjustified.
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